relationships · Sex

You’re probably going to hell!

If you are out searching the internet trying to find out how to get more sex from your Mormon wife you are probably going to hell. Wait, cross that off, I said that wrong. You already are in Hell. For some reason, you thought that when you got your sex license(Temple marriage), that you would be able to get sex as often as you wanted. YOU WERE WRONG! I think a drivers license is a perfect metaphor for how sex works for mormon men(And for some mormon women).

Let’s think about this.

When you get your drivers license you think to yourself, “I’m going to be able to drive where ever and when ever you wanted.” But what you don’t think about is that you don’t own the car and you have to pay for gas. Just like your parents owned the car. Your wife owns the sex. Your parents let you borrow the car, but if you do something wrong, you are going to lose privileges.

This is just like sex. Your wife owns the sex and will let you borrow it occasionally, but if you mess up, by being bad, that car is staying in the garage.

Your parents were a lot more willing to let you drive if you paid for your gas.

You may be saying to yourself, “how do I buy gas” for my new sex car. Just like when you got a license, at first your parents probably paid for a bunch of gas. Just like when you first get married your wife will give you a bunch of sex for free. However, what you need to learn and learn quick. Gas for your new sex car is paid for by working. At first is may just be cuddling or going for walks. It might be calling or texting to say I love you from work or school. It will also involve taking the garbage out, doing the dishes and vacuuming.

When you get a house, and the kids come the gas gets more expensive and takes more work to fill up that tank. If your dad didn’t tell you this, he was an idiot. Mine was. My mom told me one time. That some women she knew hated sex. I think it’s because the men in their lives kept expecting to get free gas.

For the first ten years of marriage, I was expecting gas for free and didn’t know why the sex was so hard to get. I was even contemplating divorce, I was desperate and found a relationship self-help program online. I started listening to this lady explain that I was not sensitive to my wife’s needs and that is where the problem started. Once I stated discovered how to meet my wife’s needs, our relationship got better, and I started paying for some of the sexual gas on my own.

I know you think this is a bad metaphor because some kids buy their own car and gas. And yes there are mormon women out then that want sex more than their husbands, and that is the kids that have his own car and buys his own gas.